


A Life in my Hands

by NarcissisticCannibal



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Human, Bullying, Cigarettes, Depression, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Heterochromia, Humanstuck, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Older Characters, Psychosis, Sadstuck, Suicide Attempt, Support, rooftop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 17:58:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5549990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarcissisticCannibal/pseuds/NarcissisticCannibal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The way Sollux sees himself 'a poor excuse of a human being'. This poor excuse of a human being has no job and lives in an appartement paid by his family. Every now and then Mituna comes to check up on him and brings him food and other stuff he needs.</p>
<p>Sadly his 'peaceful', laid back life changes when he meets a prick who thinks he can end his life on HIS rooftop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Life in my Hands

"I don't want things to stay this way, but I don't know how to change them.

I'm a shut in. My life is based on an illusion. The illusion of the perfect life.  A life where I can find happiness and trust.

Where do I begin?" - 

 

I was crunched in front of my computer screen, the dim light lighting up my tired face. Behind a pair of glasses are drooping eyes, unblinking. Minutes tick by 3:41 - 3:45 - 3:57. Shouldn't I go to sleep? Is it still worth it? I shifted in my chair, trying to find a better position.

I stirred when I was swallowed by darkness. My eyes open wide, staring at a now dark screen. Overheated, great. Giving up on restarting the piece of junk I decided on trying to sleep for a couple of hours. I placed my hands on the armrest for support as I shakily stood up. The moment my hands leave the armrest they blindly look for a new object to keep me upright.

I cursed under my breath when I hit my toe on a hard object right on the place where my bed is supposed to be. Hoping for the best I plopped down on it, luckily for me my suspicion was correct. I laid down and pulled the sheets up to cover my scrawny frame.

I looked over the room, my eyes getting a bit used to the dark. I kept scanning the room, the grey tints, the little furniture placed in the small room, the hiding spaces.

Till my eyes landed on a figure standing in the corner of my room. Should I count the one who's crawling on the ceiling as well? And what about the one creeping under my bed?

Nighttime was just another challenge I couldn't take on.

 

A sharp pain shot through me, waking me up from the 2 hour nap I got. I crossed my arms over my stomach and doubled over trying to stop the hurting. Something clicked in my head when I heard a low rumbling.

Ah. I hadn't eaten in.. how long? I always forget to and notice it when it's almost unbearable.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and picked up a hoodie and sweatpants from the ground, seeing I was only wearing a t-shirt, boxers and a pair of socks. Once dressed I stood up, greeted by the familiar dizziness. I waited till the black spots disappeared before making my way towards the kitchen.

There I was, sitting on the couch with a bowl of cereal in my hands. I shove a spoon of cereal inside my mouth, staring blankly ahead. I forgot something didn't I? I'm pretty sure I forgot something. Damn it.

6:17 in the morning.

I placed the half empty bowl on the counter and took a pack of cigarettes instead. I need to ask Mituna to bring some later.  I picked up a pen which was laying on the floor and scramble a small note on my hand as reminder.

I gave a glance at the small kitchen which was combined with the living and dining room. Tuna really needed to clean this up sometime. Did I feel bad for 'using' Mituna like I did? Of course, but as always I just ignored the guilt.

I quickly put on my converse and grab my cigarettes. I was about to close the door of my apartment when I abruptly stopped and felt in the pocket of my sweatpants. Lighter, check. I wouldn't have been the first time I stood on the rooftop without a lighter and having to walk back again.

Closing the door behind me I made my way up the stairs.

 

Panting I came to a halt. Closing the zipper of my  hoodie, I braced myself for the cold. I opened the door and stepped outside. I picked up the usual small brick and placed it between the door so I wouldn't close. Believe me, that bloody door had left me standing in the cold for far too many hours.

I walked over to the edge and sat down, my legs dangling of the edge. I breathed in the morning air of the city. Picking a cigarette out of the pack I placed it between my lips and lighted it up. The sound of cars rushing to their destination, birds and sobbing reached my ears. Wait a minute. My head snapped to the left towards the source of the sound. A bit further on the rooftop stood a male. What on earth is he doing. Horrible thoughts filled my head. What? No, he can't ..

My mind went blank as I saw him step closer to the edge. I might be a piece of shit, but I'm not letting someone die right in front of my eyes.

I threw away my cigarette, not even thinking twice I ran over to the guy. "Hey!", I shouted. The male turned around surprised, obviously not suspecting anyone on a rooftop at this hour. Maybe shouting wasn't the best idea. To my horror he lost his balance and started to fall back.

It was like they showed in the movies, everything was in slow motion.

 

His scared light blue eyes met my mismatched ones. I rushed forwards stretching my arm. I am not letting this person die.

I was surprised when the guy also reached out his hand. His fingers were decorated with so many rings. Weird how you take in all meaningless small details at moments like this.

As suddenly as it came, it went. Everything passed before my eyes. I guess slow motion time was over. I held his cold hand in a firm grip and pulled him towards me. Far, far away from the dangerous edge. Okay, maybe not that far.

 

I wasn't quite prepared for what happened next though. That suicidal bastard fell forward, right on top of me, sending both of us to the ground. "Ugh damn it." I rubbed my lower back, trying to ease the pain. My eyes looked down on the male who was clutching my t-shirt. Ah great, what do I do now? My body tensed when the guy started to shake. I sighed. "Hey, look at me." His grip tightened. Rolling my eyes I placed my hand on his shoulder. "Look up, brat.", what was it that people said about being careful with suicidal people? Oh well.

Apparently my tactic seemed to work just as fine as the male lifted his head slowly. My eyes softened as I saw his tearstained face. "What's your name?", I questioned him. "E-Eridan." His voice was hoarse. "I'm Sollux." Just great _Sollux_ , fucking great. Shouldn't I call 911 or bring him to a hospital? My thought were disturbed when Eridan started sobbing again.

Comfort him. Yeah that might be a good thing to do, but how? Hugging, right? It was so long ago I hugged someone.

Unsure I slowly wrapped my arms around the smaller one. The sobbing stopped for a second. Go Sollux. Before starting again, sounding more broken. You fucked up Sollux. I was about to give up but was surprised when two arms wrapped around my waist and held me close.

Eridan buried his face in my shoulder, letting out heart wrecking sobs. Recovering from my shock I started rubbing small circles on his back.

"It's alright. It's going to be alright Eridan."

 

* * *

 

****

"He doesn't want me to bring him to a hospital and he technically isn't .. hurt, right?" ... ... "Then what do you want me to do?!" ... ... "Fine."

I ended the phone call frowning and looked over at Eridan, who was sleeping on my bed. 'What on earth did I get myself into?'

I found myself staring at the younger boy's freckled face when I heard the front door open. Not much later Mituna came into my bedroom. "How is he?" At the sound of my brother's voice I decided to turn around and properly greet him. "Good morning to you too. He's fine. He has been asleep for about 30 minutes now." Mituna nodded slowly. "You should probably try to talk to him about it once he wakes up." I raised an eyebrow and looked Mituna dead in the eyes.

"Why do I have to talk to him?" Mituna crossed his arms, glaring back at me. " _You_ were the one who found him AND you brought him to _your_ apartment."

"Well- I called _you_ for help, because you are the oldest here.", I growled in a lowered voice.

"Are you serious? You're 24 years old al-",

Our brotherly argument was interrupted when Eridan made a little too obvious cough. He was sitting upright with his back resting against the headboard, looking down at his hands resting in his lap.

"You must be hungry. I'll make something, you two can talk meanwhile." Mituna smiled gently.

Before Eridan could even do so much as respond, he was out of the room. I looked over at Eridan nervously, who was still looking down. Deciding I should do something I sat down on the bed, facing Eridan. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I'd rather get to know you first if you don't mind."

After a couple seconds of silence I decided to start the conversation. "I'm Sollux Captor and the guy you just saw was my older brother Mituna." Eridan looked up. "Ampora, Eridan Ampora." The two of us looked up when we heard a gasp. "Ampora.. as in THE Amporas?" Mituna asked Eridan shocked.

"You know him?" Mituna looked at me with a dumbfounded expression from the doorway. "Are you fucking serious?  They own the second biggest company in the country!" I looked at my brother as if he had grown a second head. "Say what?"

When I looked back at Eridan, his eyes were filled with fear and anxiety. I looked  at my brother again. "You, go buy me some groceries the fridge is almost empty. I got this." I commanded, hinting my brother to leave us alone for a while.

After a minute of intense staring Mituna gave in. "Fine, I'll be back in a couple of hours.." I nodded as I watched my brother leave and only looked back at Eridan when I heard the front door close.

The young male was slightly trembling and sweating, worry and fear showing on his face. I sighed. "Maybe you should get freshened up first.." I helped the teen up, holding his arm and guiding him to the small bathroom down the hall. "Just give me your clothes, I'll wash them." Closing the door, I waited in the hallway. 

'Why did I have to go smoke. I wouldn't be in this mess if I didn't. But would he still be alive if I didn't.. maybe he would've been dead.' I frowned, crossing my arms, looking down at the ground.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the door creek open. I looked to my side seeing a very _naked_ Eridan holding his clothes. Well I could only see his chest but damn. While taking the clothes from Eridan's grip I studied his body.

My eyes drifted from his small waist to his neck to his lean muscles. Once Eridan noticed I was eyeing him he immediately tensed up. Looking up I saw his cheeks were flushed. "What? Where are you looking at, lowlife?" Despite being a huge nerd I could be pretty dense at times. "Lowlife?" Okay Sollux what on earth are you doing?

Eridan let out a huff and closed the door without waiting for an answer. Not much later I heard the water running. I walked over to the laundry room and threw the clothes into the overfull laundry basket.

I shook my head, rubbing my hands over my cheeks. 'Fuck, get your shit together. Don't go eyeing some boy who's probably underage!' I looked in front of me as if my brother just asked me to kiss him, before grinning and poking my own head. 'Hah, good one Sollux. _'Get your shit together'_ As if that's ever gonna happen.' After agreeing with myself I walked over towards the living room, sitting down on the couch, waiting for Eridan to finish his shower.

I was staring at the black screen of the television when Eridan walked in the room. Glancing over at the younger boy my eyes went to the towel he was wearing around his hips. 'Shit, I forgot to give him fresh clothes.'

"I'll get u some clothes, wait here."

When I returned to the living room Eridan was still standing there, trembling slightly. I placed the clothes on the couch and turned around. "Put those clothes on, I won't look." .. "mhm" was the only answer I got.

I heard Eridan sitting down on my couch. "You can look now." I turned around to see the boy on the couch, his knees pulled up against him, hugging them. I took a seat next to him, but still far enough not to make him uncomfortable.

He was wearing my oversized dark blue sweater and grey jogging pants. His hear was still partly wet, letting some cold drops fall on his shoulders. I took the towel he laid on the couch and handed it to him. "You should dry your hair more properly, you'll catch a cold." Eridan looked at me dumbfounded. He looked at the towel before taking it from me and rubbing it furiously over his wet hair. 'Well.. it's a bit better at least.'

I eyed him curiously. He was looking at his feet, showing off his beautiful black eyelashes, but hiding his light blue eyes. He had fair skin and rosy lips. 'Geezes this guy looked like a god.' 

'Eridan Ampora, heh. Interesting.'

I coughed, successfully catching Eridan's attention. "So.. how old are you, kid?" The 'kid' looked up and glared daggers at me. "I'm not a kid." He snarled. I raised my eyebrows. "I'm 18. Turning 19 this year!"

'Good thing to know I won't go to prison for eyeing him. Okay, no. Bad Sollux, this kid needs help.' 

"You're from a rich family, I bet you have a pretty good life.. How come you were going to commit suicide?" Eridan looked at my shocked, not expecting the question. Getting over his shock he frowned and looked away from me.

"Won't your family be worrie-" Eridan snapped his head back towards me furiously. "They don't care!" I stared at him, confused. "What do you mean?" Eridan laid his head on his knees, glaring at the space in front of him.

"They're too _busy_ to even notice I'm gone." I kept quiet, allowing Eridan some time.

"My parents and my brother are too busy with the company to look out for me. When I was younger a nanny would take care of me and brother, but when my brother turned 15 my parents began to prepare him. Prepare him to take over the company one day. I was left alone."

"In the beginning I would see my brother now and then, but the company grew and begun asking more and more time. We don't even have any family dinners anymore. I wish I could just blow the whole thing up!"

Looking at his hands I noticed he wasn't wearing his rings, he probably left them in the bathroom. while I was looking at his hands I saw they were shaking. 

I hesitated, before taking one of his hand in mine. I tried to sooth him, gently rubbing my thumbs over his hand. 'Is this how you do it? Does this feel good?'

Eridan sighed and closed his eyes for a second, calming himself down. He didn't pull his hand back, which gave me some confidence.  I mean.. with my social skills. I deserve a medal dammit.

'This is odd.. what is this warm feeling?'

"I'm just so lonely..  I couldn't take it anymore. It hurts so much." Eridan grabbed a hold of my hand, his head hanging low. His dark brown hair was still slightly wet. Eridan used his free hand to rub his cheeks, rubbing away tears I couldn't see.

I felt sympathy for the boy, he looked so vulnerable. "I don't want to be alone anymore." Eridan said between sobs.

"Eridan?" He looked at me, showing me his teary blue eyes.

"Do you want to be my friend?"

Eridan eyes widened, looking at me in disbelief. I was lost for a second, drowning it those eyes. Eridan seemed to snap out of it, flinging his arms around my neck, pulling me close.

He started laughing, which would be good and all…if he wasn't still sobbing, making a weird happy/sad sound. Even thought for some people it would sound like he needed an exorcism, to me.. it was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.

I made someone happy.

I gave someone hope.

I saved someone.

For the first time in years I felt alive again, emotions running through me, emotions that I hadn't felt in a very long time. I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his shoulder. Hiding the tears that escaped my eyes.

The smell of lavender surrounded me, pulling me in deeper.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> Feel free to leave kudos or ask questions my readers.


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